of rights and wrongs

wa.. so long never post already.. you ought to shoot me! (that's my excuse so that someone would just kill me!) school work's killing me.. my shoulders are laden with such a heavy load.. my knees are cracking under the pressure..
aiya, i think i'm so full of nonsense these days.. i think the stress must be getting onto me.. it's makes me feel tired of everything.. how i wish i could sit around and actually have to find things to do all day..
i was also thinking, i'm getting tired of trying to do the right things all the time.. abiding by the rules and the society's norms.. maybe i shall just do whatever i want to do regardless of whether it's right or wrong.. just do what i feel like doing..
but no, i can't do that.. i still have to bear in mind the consequences of what i do after this crazy wave of impulse passes.. when i awaken from my madness i still have to face the damage i did.. can i..?
i can't. so i'm still making my way through my life.. making sure my decision are right.. calculating the effects of every move i make.. okay okay.. it really bores me..
and because i'm having these (probably) irrational thoughts, i'm guessing that, no, i know that i have lost sight of what's important to me.. somewhere or somewhen, while busying myself with the affairs of the hall and of school, i've forgotten what i really want in my life.. and more importantly, i realise that all these preoccupations have cost me valuable time that i could have had, to fight for what i believe in.. i want to re-prioritise, but stuck in the middle of the pressures of weekly tests, project deadlines, hall responsibilities, and trainings.. i feel helpless.. so i just give in to the pressures and push what's important to me to the back of my mind, and just press on.. face each day, and just keep trying to catch up with the not-as-important things..
i think some people may not understand why i feel this way.. but that's just how i think, and my intention is not to convince.